PIA Blog: Compassionate Education: How Schools Can Support Bereaved Children

As an experienced teacher and widowed mother, Emma highlights the need for supporting grieving children in schools. She offers practical steps to help bereaved children feel seen, empowered in their grief, and supported as they grow into their future selves.

Emma Marfleet (November 2024)

Emma has taught across the primary school age range, delivered outreach peer support as an Advanced Skills Teacher and worked as a Deputy Head Teacher.  She is the Vice-Chair of Governors at an Infant and Nursery School.  She is a widowed mother to 3 school-age children. Connect with Emma.

Why do we need to talk about bereavement?

Understanding how a child experiences grief, along with the typical developmental stages of their thoughts and emotions, supports all children processing loss.  Parental bereavement is a deeply traumatic childhood experience and perhaps more common that you would expect. Current statistics state that 1 in 29 children experience the death of a parent or sibling (Child Bereavement Network, 2023). It is therefore highly likely that educators will encounter a bereaved child at some point in their career.

Significant emotional harm can occur when educators are unaware of the challenges and sensitivities related to grief.  The National Institute for Clinical Excellence (NICE, 2004) and Childhood Bereavement Network (2017) emphasise that a supportive response from existing networks is what most bereaved children need to help them thrive. Child Bereavement UK (n.d.) says that schools, “by carrying on their usual day-to-day activities while being aware of the bereavement, can do a huge amount to support a grieving pupil.” It’s where educators show the awareness of the bereavement that makes all the difference to a grieving child. But how can schools do this?

Supporting bereaved children requires both proactive planning and reactive care. It’s important for educators to offer what I like to call a “lifeline” - a supportive connection which acknowledges the child’s grief and ensures they feel safe.  Proactive support involves considering whether a lesson or assembly may trigger difficult emotions and preparing the child accordingly.  At times, grief might be triggered unexpectedly.  Another child may talk about the death of a pet which can stir up emotions for a bereaved child. During such moments, a “lifeline” can be as simple as a look to show that you have thought of them.

Supporting grieving children: practical steps

Acknowledge the child’s experience

Research suggests that the bereaved maintain an ongoing relationship with the deceased (Klass et al., 2014). For young children this might be expressed in drawings, cards or creating stories about their deceased parent. The educator's response to these creative expressions is crucial, as the child is looking for reassurance or validation of their experience. Showing interest in their creation and asking them to share their thoughts affirms their continued connection with their deceased parent and demonstrates that their grief is acknowledged and understood.

Language

Children need direct, clear and honest language when it comes to death.  We try to protect each other, especially children, from the hardest parts of the human experience.  But euphemisms like, “passed away” or “lost” can cause confusion, especially for young children.  Using direct language, such as “died” or “death,” helps them understand and better express their emotions.  Alexander (1991 p.13) wrote that, “By giving voice to their grief in the company of other people whom they trust, the survivors begin to find a way through.”  Schools can offer space for this, and ongoing conversations with family members will help ensure a supportive response from the child's existing networks, as recommended by NICE (2004).

Time, space, and flexibility

Preparing a child for an emotionally challenging lesson and discussing their feelings shows their grief is considered. Offering time, space, and flexible tasks helps them feel valued and reduces overwhelming feelings.  End lessons gently, offering time for reflection and reassurance that all feelings are valid.

Create a safe and supportive environment

Create an inclusive atmosphere by revisiting class ground rules and expectations. Encourage open conversations, but also ensure that a bereaved child knows they can step away if they feel overwhelmed. Consider providing extra adult support, ensuring that the child has a trusted person they can turn to.

The power of awareness and compassion

The most important thing educators can do for bereaved children is to offer awareness and compassion.  They do not need to be grief experts; simply by acknowledging grief, using direct language, offering emotional lifelines, and creating a safe space for expression make a world of difference. In doing so, grieving children feel seen and empowered, not only for who they are now but as they grow into their future selves.